The Name to Use For Money Business

As a new independent contractor / consultant it has been decided by the shareholders that I won't create any kind of corporate shield.

But that doesn't mean I can't have a fun name for business. After asking my shareholders we have a number of options for creating a name where I can send really great invoices.

Valcherius Michelangelo Queen This is a fantasy name I came up a while ago. I like the idea of invoicing people with an overly elaborate name and creating a persona for my business work.

Merrill Finch In the movie Boiler Room (2000) there is a brokerage firm called J.T. Marlin, chosen to sound close to JP Morgan, a more established and trusted firm. There are a lot of options in this vein!

Michael Wave Theory Beau came up with this one in Slack. Michael Wave sounds like microwave and I like Michael Wave Theory because it sounds like the technical analysis Elliot Wave theory.

Michael Universe Another one from Beau, I think the initial spark was MikeWorldWide, a big PR agency.

Microsoft Internet Explorer This is a joke from my time at Panic where the idea was to use the name of some massive trademark but in a wildly different field. Sure, Internet Explorer is a thing in web browsers, but there is no confusion with a consulting company.

Business Affairs All the big studios have this massive black box full of lawyers called Business Affairs that slows down deals and makes petty requests to change the terms. So you'll have an interesting idea and some executive will say positive things and then come back later and tell you that Business Affairs didn't approve it. I think it sounds like erotic fanfic.

Busy Boys Industries Because sometimes you’re a busy lil boy.

UNIFIED METHODS What does it do? Who knows? The most generic name possible will leave many wondering if you provide clandestine work to the government, or worse.

Michaelsoft It's like microsoft.

Mikeintosh You get it.

Advantage Michael This is what I like to yell when I play tennis against Kathryn and she makes a mistake.

MikeMikeMike Because Llama Llama Llama is a thing

Vexing Multiplicities It sounds better with an LLC at the end but it still works.

Just Let Me Do It I think it's what most consultants think to themselves at one point or another. You could add a "Good Grief" to the beginning: Good Grief Just Let Me Do It, or a "For Goodness Sake" to the end: Just Let Me Do It For Goodness Sake, or both, why not?


  • 23% Valcherius Michelangelo Queen
  • 5% Merrill Finch
  • 70% Michael Wave Theory
  • 14% Michael Universe
  • 6% Microsoft Internet Explorer
  • 7% Business Affairs
  • 3% Busy Boys Industries
  • 5% Michaelsoft
  • 3% Mikeintosh
  • 18% Advantage Michael
  • 5% MikeMikeMike
  • 4% Vexing Multiplicities
  • 3% Just Let Me Do It

36 users voted with 4577 shares


  • jfe [ 48 ]

    I'm staying away from any that contain "Michael" since it would lessen the ROI of my intention to get him to change his personal name.

  • Doug [ 1101 ]

    Voting on something to which I contributed and to which the winner gets shares. Engaging villain mode. If other shareholders wish for something but UNIFIED METHODS you must now rally!

  • Doug [ 1101 ]

    The bar is low and just about any two current runners-up will do it. I want to use UNIFIED METHODS for myself but shareholder neglect on this vote can potentially increase my share count.

  • Zach [ 35 ]

    I see all caps, I vote all caps. SOLIDARITY IN UNIFIED METHODS.

  • jefferson [ 157 ]

    I like unity in all things.

  • chrishiggins [ 167 ]

    Too bad Consolidated International Methods Amalgamated wasn't an option.

  • smikeyw [ 103 ]

    I just voted for every option except UNIFIED METHODS.

  • smikeyw [ 103 ]

    Not that I don't like the name. It's fine! But I don't like the villainy!

  • ahyes.web [ 15 ]

    I also voted for every option except unified methods. I am realizing i wish there was an acronym one. Michael's Incorporated Korporate Entity or some such

  • richardwinchell [ 7 ]

    Unified Methods is pretty damn good.

  • beau [ 419 ]

    Doug, are you open to bribes?

  • Doug [ 1101 ]

    I'll take shares as bribes.


  • Doug [ 1101 ]

    Unified Methods is what I want to name my own DBA but this thing came up before I got to it.

  • beau [ 419 ]

    Doug, hop on k5m slack if you want to negotiate... ;P

  • Lewd [ 180 ]

    Please let's overthrow unified methods Vote for Michael's not the best option (Valcherius Michelangelo Queen) but anything but unified

  • Doug [ 1101 ]

    Only ~183 votes need to land on Michael Wave at the moment for it to win! Only slightly more than one vote per minute needs to go there!

  • Doug [ 1101 ]

    And if any two of the lowest-count options swung, the Wave has it.

  • aaronpk [ 432 ]

    I asked ChatGPT which is the better option and got this response, which pretty much settles it:

    In my opinion, "Unified Methods" is the better name for a business. "Michael Wave Theory" may sound interesting and unique, but it is not immediately clear what the business does or offers. "Unified Methods", on the other hand, suggests that the business offers a cohesive and systematic approach to problem-solving, which is typically more appealing to potential customers and clients. Additionally, "Unified Methods" is a more professional and straightforward name, which can help to establish credibility and trust with your target audience.